Journal 06

So it's been awhile that I done this, and to be honest I don't know what to write even now, but thought I better try and write something.    So it would seem like I'm sleeping better overall but with that comes these headaches that I can't seem to shake for day's.   When to my doctor with my mother and he acted like he listened but I don't trust him and I'm sure his feeding me more bullshit....I guess we will see.   Also the job-center has sent me to a back to work placement thingy which I'm hopping will help me get some work somewhere.  I have stopped going to events in BDSM, I fallen back to near where I was before I started my journey, with one thing that is better than before and that's the love I have for Emily, and it keeps me from locking myself away from the world again.  Know I am full of fear that I'm going to do or say something that will mess that up....So scared of it that today I woke up form a dream that I lost her, and I was crying about it, feeling awful and guilty.  I think upon it and my I think my fear comes from me not believing that I don't deserve anything good in my life.